In Nancy G. Heller’s seminal book, Women Artists, the author describes a pivotal moment in Georgia O’Keeffe’s artistic career. Approaching the age of 30, Georgia assembles all of her work, finds it lacking and promptly destroys everything.

She was tired of repeating what had already been done, but she had to access a different part of her to make something new and genuine.

Through destruction she became a more authentic creator.

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Tori Amos is probably the single most important artist to me personally. She’s more than a musical prodigy who grew up to became a beloved and adored singer-songwriter. She’s the voice of a generation of women (and men) who are desperately trying to live as their most authentic selves.

Tori is often symbolically associated with fire, and even more specifically, an enflamed piano. Her flaming red signature locks help to emphasize her connection to fire, as well.

She acknowledges this symbolism and even references it on the cover of her most recent book, Resistance.

In the song “Metal, Water, Wood,” from Tori’s 2021 release, Ocean to Ocean, we see a significant shift in the symbolism, as is evidenced by the album’s title. Water plays an important role in the lyrical storytelling throughout, but in the song “Metal, Water, Wood,” we hear Tori sing…

You knew me as Fire

You have always been

Metal, water, wood

“Be like water”

You tell me, “Be like water”

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As I set out on my own personal journey toward creative authenticity, I looked to Georgia and Tori to guide me. Like Georgia, I had to abandon or destroy all the derivative stuff. And like Tori, I knew I had to access a different part of myself to find the courage to move forward.

I have always associated myself with water: I am a Pisces, after all! I knew that water was not going to help me see this project through to the end. So, I mirrored Tori. She was fire who needed to access her water side. I had to do the opposite.

I wrote a poem in the early stages of my epic art project to remind myself of what I was trying to accomplish. Throughout the process, whenever I felt discouraged or whenever the big feelings overwhelmed me or when I began to doubt the whole dang thing, I would read the poem. It was a poem written by me, for me, so that I wouldn’t give up.

I’d like to share that poem with you now.

If you are facing something daunting or seemingly impossible to overcome, read this poem and keep going. Find the courage to access the part of you that will help you keep going and then… keep going.

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I AM THE FIRE

For as long as you have known me, you have known me as water.

I spent my days bending and shaping myself to make you comfortable.

Everything was fine,

As long as you were not crying,

As long as you were not screaming,

As long as you were not fighting,

I had to keep you smiling.

I had to keep you laughing.

And in so doing,

I made myself invisible, a vapor that disappeared with the wind.

I made myself fluid, a body of tears.

I made myself solid, cold, and hard like ice.

It no longer suits me to be water.

I take all the pain and all the darkness inside,

And I birth it out, a tangible thing.

I hold this thing, an orb of radiant energy that pulses and surges.

I feel it in my hands.

It is outside of me now.

It is a paradox, an infinite abyss within an orb of light.

I unleash this thing upon the world.

And I feel it.

I feel it come back to me.

I feel it consume me.

It is rage,

And it is vengeance.

It is both the catalyst I needed to push this thing outside of my body,

And the force with which to keep it there.

My heart races. My pulse quickens.

My eyes become clear, and I can see into forever.

My voice is no longer dormant.

I cry out, releasing my anguish.

My breath is hot, and sparks fly.

I feel the heat rising within my flesh.

I smell the smoke of old things burned away.

I know I am transformed.

I am in my new state.

I am free to embrace my rage.

I am free to execute my vengeance.

I am no longer the water you have known.

I welcome and celebrate this change.

This is who I am now.

I AM THE FIRE.